Actual Ether

Here's a photo of me in the eighties. This was around October 1984. Who knew this kid would end up eventually becoming an indy icon?! Pulling off tragically hip this convincingly and with this kind of air of authority is hard for anyone to do (let alone a seven year old). But as you can tell this kind of thing has always come naturally to me, no big woop.



At the time, an artist of Michael Jackson's magnitude was unprecedented- during this era he was probably the best singer to ever have walked the planet (if you don't count Hendrix or Dylan) . A few months later I would see him perform live at the Astrodome during the Jackson 5 Victory Tour and would be severely disappointed. By the time I was in the fifth grade (three years later), I had hated his new material. I was fully aware that he was a phony - that there was nothing much that lay beyond his surface.

Twenty four years later almost to the date I would be lucky enough to end up meeting David Berman and his wife Cassie, at an almost canceled show at Walter's (almost due to the aftermath of Hurricane Ike). There was even this photo of me taken at the show and posted on the Houston Press Blog. (http://www.houstonpress.com/slideshow/view/146921/5)

We had been without electricity over a week. I thought a lot about and went back and fourth about bringing a copy of Actual Air to the show to get his autograph. I even brought my favorite pen from the office just to make sure the whole thing went smoothly. I approached him at the end of the show and although I can't remember much of our small talk, I ended up telling him with full sincerity and confidence that I loved him ( I sure as heck did not plan to do this nor could I have imagined ever being able to say this to one of my heroes) . But, it all just came out naturally and unexpectedly and was it surprisingly not awkward at all (I had also previously read that DCB was sometimes know as being difficult with fans). To this , he replied "Thank You, Seneca!" and then I immediately walked away.


David and Cassie!
Did you notice how me and David looked kinda similar that day!

I went home back to my room without electricity in the dark, played and sang "Pretty Eyes" to myself on guitar and sobbed myself asleep. I was evidently really touched by that small moment I shared with one of my all time favorite literary voices. I know it sounds really gay, but it was like the world winked back- it was seriously on the same level as if Holden Caufield had said my name back to me. It just really blew my mind and it would end up giving me much strength and hope and energy for years to come.

A week to the date from the Silver Jews show, Jenny Zell was visiting me from Pittsburgh. The power had just come back on. I did'nt plan on it, but I unexpectedly found myself playing and singing songs to her on my acoustic guitar. As a guitar player, you always think about playing to some girl- which was something that I had never done. I played "Ask" by the Smiths and "Interesting Drug" by Morrissey. Then I played: "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart and also "Silence Kit" and "We Dance" by Pavement. I couldnt stop friggin playin!!!

I closed out my little set to Jenny with "Pretty Eyes" a week after singing it to myself after meeting David Berman. Fuck if it didn't meansomething.

She probably doesn't even remember but three years before, on her twenty eight birthday I sent her a copy of Actual Air. It was appropriate because there was the poem "Self Portrait at 28". This also coincided with the release of the SJ's album "Tanglewood Numbers" on October 18- also Jenny and her twin sister, Katie's 28 birthday.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tragically hip never came so easy for me.

Alcoholism

My name is Seneca Garcia and believe it or not, I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC!

let me take the test:

do you drink alone?: sometimes

have you ever blacked out when you drink?: yes

do you ever drink out of bordem?: yes

has an employer ever told you, you might have a drinking problem?: yes

have you ever been to a 12 step program?: yes

does it take a lot for you to get drunk?: yes

Do you ever drink to relieve stress?: yes

has a love one ever told you that you have a drinking problem?: yes

You see, I told you I wasn't an alcoholic!

look at my reasons for each question:

do you drink alone?:In my early twenties I used to drink alone, mostly when listening to tapes and cds at home or playing guitar. But nowadays though, I only drink alone in a ritual known as "pre game"- where you get buzzed before you show up so you spend less money and arrive at the spot nice and loose.

do you ever black out when you drink?: It's usually under the same set of circumstance- the holidays or a celebration. The last time I blacked out was the new years before last (i was in Austin and half sick and we rode bikes around the city in the cold. It was surprising because I didn't even drink too much). The other time before that was around Halloween nite three years ago- after the second party the last thing I remember is making out with a plutonic friend and then waking up sans clothes with her in bed in the middle of the night. Opps!

do you ever drink out of bordem?: When I'm socializing with people I can't stand and I need some kind of sedative to numb myself enough to be motivated to interact with them or atleast just to be able to stand sitting through listening to their meaningless conversations.


has an employer ever told you, you might have a drinking problem?: When I worked at HISD, Dr. Wethington asked me if had drank anything before showing up to work on the day after Halloween (diff Halloween). I still reeked from the poison girl shot I took at two in the morning. Opps! She then took it upon herself to take me into an empty meeting room and pry into my personal life. She was so incredibly out of touch too. She cluelessly told me (self appointed counselor style) that I should find new friends, to which I replied: "But, Ive been friends with them since I was a kid! They're some of the best people I know!"

have you ever been to a 12 step program? In high school I was making honor roll and dating the most beautiful girl in school (much more on her later) and I got busted purchasing grass when I was working at Charlie's Hamburgers. My mom told me I could either live in a halfway house or get sober and go to PDAP. I relaspsed when I graduated highschool after being sober over a year long. I didnt have a drug problem. My mom had the drug problem- a problem with me taking drugs. I was doing just fine before she made me disown all my friends. When I was a sophmore theres a photo of me on acid while getting an academic achievement award from Melanie Lawson (see photo).




The last time I went to AA was like five years ago. This was around the height of my drinking ( I was working at Brasil and living behind Poison girl and was single). I hooked up with someone drunkenly and spooked myself out. My parents were also in the midst of getting a divorce and the triplets might have been about three years old. It was the hardest/scariest time of my life (the Bush years). Everything was flipped upside down. Nothing was working right. I needed something to latch onto- some stability. I had problems, but they werent all directly attributed to drinking. I went to like six meetings in the span of a month and stayed sober. That night I got my month chip they called on me to share. I remember talking about how I was upset Katie was getting married and how I also felt like a selfish bastard for being upset about Katie getting married. I also said AA seemed redundant to me and I would probably be drinking soon and how it would probably be my last meeting. That was my last meeting.

does it take a lot for you to get drunk?: If you want to imagine what I look like drinking think; Val Kilmer in Tombstone.

Do you ever drink to relieve stress?: When I got picked up from the airport in Sept, they couldnt drive me to the bar any faster. It seemed to take forever for the bartender to get me my Gin and Tonic. I was on my second one mentally, when I was only half done with the first. I had to maintain my game face, it was showtime- it was a woman.

has a love one ever told you that you have a drinking problem?:my mom; and that so doesnt count.

"Fuck You I Won't Do What You Tell Me"

The last time I saw a therapist was about nine years ago. My live in girlfriend at the time was breaking up with me. She offered an ultimatum that could maybe salvage us being together. If I agreed to go see a free counselor at the college I was attending , she might not break up with me (might being the operative term). Although I honestly cannot remember one reason she gave as to why I "needed" to go see a therapist, I mostly just remember her in her own back handed way assigning all the blame with our relationship to me (and that kinda thing was so like Dana). Her logic said that something that was wrong between both of us could be fixed if only I worked on myself. She didn't feel the need to see a therapist- or at least she never got around to seeing one while we were togehter (Dana was such a hypocrite).


If you don't feel the need to see a therapist, then that just means that you probably don't really need to go see one. Just cause someone thinks that you need one, that just means that's their own damn opinion. "Crazy" means it makes sense only to you and to no one else. Besides, it's all relative anyways. Everyone has their own reasons for doing things. Just because someone can't understand why you do something, doesn't necessarily mean there could be absolutely no clear cut rationale to why you are doing these things.


"You call your parents on the phone too much- you need to see a therapist."


"You smoke too much grass- you need to see a therapist."


"You rage on me when I flirt with other guys in front of you and your friends at parties- you need a therapist."


"I'm not happy-you need to see a therapist."


Leave it up to a chick to go step out of bounds and tell you to do something that's really none of their business anyways. I think it's safe to say every woman Ive been in a serious relationship with was freaking crazy and had severe living problems. And did you ever hear me telling them that I think they needed to see a shrink??? NOOOOOOOO!!! I respected their right to themselves and kept my opinions to myself.

And anyways, the reasons they were dissatisfied with their life and jealous of me is because they had a hard time maintaining ; meaningful platonic friendships, fulfilling hobbies, self discipline or all the above; whereas these things come easy for me.

I'm not lazy. I'm actually good with saving and not blowing my money and in general I'm a relatively well adjusted dude. She on the other hand, practically blacks out playing pool that one time and finds herself spending the night at a strangers place, while I'm out of town. -Oh yeah, I'm the one who should go see a therapist. Or: She sleeps with some married guy when she was working at the bar and then has his wife call her because she wants Dana to testify against the guy so that she can get full custody of their son. Oh yeah sure, I'm the one who needs to see a therapist.